9. The Personal Drug:

Let it be well understood, then, by worldly and ignorant folk, curious of acquaintance with exceptional joys, that they will find in hashish nothing miraculous, absolutely nothing but the natural in a superabundant degree.... Hashish will be, indeed, for the impressions and familiar thoughts of a man, a mirror which magnifies, yet no more than a mirror.

— Baudelaire, The Poem of Hashish (1860)

Matters of the Heart

"Be sure not to miss the forest for the trees," a Seattle smoker advised me. "The major effect of marijuana is that it makes people feel good." Indeed, the point is so obvious that few smokers bothered to mention it unless they were specifically asked. Smokers will speak of euphoria, joy, and elation or of a feeling of contentment and well-being, but the word "high" is a richer description, and smokers sometimes speak of being "up," "on top of things," and in some cases, even "soaring."
    Sometimes this state of happiness is accompanied by a sense of control or power, especially over one's own life or one's faculties. "I felt like I could understand everything immediately without even having to think about it," recalls Carol, of a particularly energetic high. Sandy remembers an evening during which she was overwhelmed by positive feelings about her own future:

I had been out late with friends, and when I came back, I clamped on the headphones from the stereo, and filled up my pipe. Between the music and the grass, I began to feel so wonderful, bursting with confidence and optimism. I think I was convinced that my life was going to get itself together, that I would live happily ever after. For those brief moments, I was soaring as high as I ever thought I could go.

    Marijuana usually heightens the emotional state of its users; most people smoke when they are already in a good mood, and smoking usually makes them feel even better. But what about users who may be feeling sad or depressed? Many, as a matter of principle, do not use marijuana at such times. For some, smoking during unhappy states is simply inappropriate, or unappealing. Others fear that if they smoke while they are depressed, their depression will become worse.
    Yet another group of smokers finds that marijuana can be useful in difficult times because it can lead them to understand better the nature of the problem at hand, thus providing some measure of relief. A computer programmer explains:

When I'm stoned, buried thoughts that are hidden because of an unpleasant association may come to consciousness. Sometimes this makes for a difficult moment. But often, the facing of the thought helps me to grow and understand. Sometimes the buried thought can be dealt with positively and effectively and brought out in the open in a way that would not have occurred unless I had been stoned.

    Almost all smokers agree that marijuana is not especially helpful in avoiding or escaping from bad feelings, although some do turn to it in moments of sadness or stress. A Wisconsin teacher explains why:

It doesn't take away from the pain, but it does allow me to look at it from a more centered place, standing back and seeing it with some distance. With marijuana, I can let myself experience the unhappiness without being overtaken by a need to flee from it, and without being driven or compelled to take some automatic, habitual action.