Although marijuana is often thought of as a social drug, many

Immediately I'm transformed, and I start looking at a different set of concerns. Daily life is full of little hassles which represent one kind of reality. If you're not careful, you can end up being stuck there. Smoking is a way of keeping myself above the daily chores and problems, enabling me to be aware of the larger things going on in my life.

    A Boston professor, a well-known writer and lecturer, uses marijuana only occasionally, always alone, in pursuit of a solitary, personal exploration:

I'm a late-night, two-joint, lights-out, headphones-on closet smoker, and although it's not always pleasant, it's usually helpful. Smoking allows things to come up from deep inside me, things which I have fought off, or opposed, or perhaps simply ignored. I play a particular sequence of records during these times, starting with some electronic music and moving to Bach and ending up with something more raucous. In this way, I can structure my trip, moving through various emotional states in a way that is by now pretty familiar, and which seems to work well, like a ritual. I just sit back and let my mind supply me with ideas, visions of people, and sometimes just feelings which haven't had a chance to emerge in other ways.

    Introspective users of marijuana often find that they become less critical of themselves and more accepting of their own characteristics, both positive and negative. Some claim to be able to see themselves more objectively at such times, and occasionally such a self-encounter may lead to actual change, as this college student explains:

Pot is very therapeutic for me. When I'm stoned, I can really see myself. I can list my strengths and my weaknesses, and my goals. My mind is clear and eager to learn and understand, even when I have to understand awkward things, like those parts of my personality that I don't want to change. I can see parts of myself that I don't like, without hating myself in the process. I've learned things about myself that I have brought into my life when I haven't been stoned, such as how to be less self-centered, and how to be more low-keyed about myself, and less anxious in the presence of others.

    A San Francisco social worker finds solitary smoking useful for reviewing past events, and especially for projecting future possibilities:

I believe that we actualize while fantasizing, that fantasizing is a way of practicing for life, of playing out different ways of being, some of which we choose to make actual. Dope has opened up some of my fantasies, showing me various possibilities and choices, including some I would not otherwise have thought of.

    Some users are afraid that marijuana may bring them closer than they wish to certain truths that they have carefully and fearfully kept hidden. Curiously, the reverse is also true: other smokers find that marijuana enables them to be more accepting of their positive and optimistic feelings, perhaps including pleasant scenarios of events or private hopes and ambitions that might otherwise be too threatening to consider. As David explains:

We all have our private little hells, but I've noticed that for me and my friends, at least, we have some idea of where they are. Much of the time we are aware of our worst opinions about ourselves, and sometimes we feel trapped by them.
    Stoned, I find it easier to accept some of the good things about myself, easier to imagine a happy future, or to take account of my various strengths and talents. In such moments, I realize that I am capable of a great deal, that many possibilities are open to me. It's important to have these moments of self-affirmation; they keep you going through hard times, providing inspiration and encouragement.